EPISODE DESCRIPTION

Things get really juicy when Elle tears into Texas Governor Greg Abbott. She gives us a rundown of his life, mentioning his accident in 1984 that left him paralyzed, setting up her critique with a mix of fact and thinly veiled rage. Abbott, as Attorney General, filed 31 lawsuits against the Obama administration, because apparently, he had nothing better to do. He took aim at carbon emissions, healthcare reform, and even transgender rights, making Texas the lawsuit-happy state we all know and love.

Abbott’s greatest hits include fighting against same-sex marriage and defending a ban on sex toys because apparently, personal autonomy is terrifying. Elle skewers his need for polarizing publicity stunts, likening him to the lovechild of Ron DeSantis and Jigsaw, suggesting he’s got his eyes on a national stage.

Elle labels Abbott a “whiny little dick” and a “fundraising monster,” pointing out his deep-pocketed, Christian Nationalist backers like Tim Dunn and the Wilks brothers. This “pay-to-play” system is just Texas politics at its finest, where money talks and everyone else can take a hike.

Other topics covered by the girls include Abbott’s failed response to Uvalde, gun de-regulation and the resulting increase in gun violence across the state.

Throughout the episode, the girls mix humor and sarcasm with genuine frustration, creating a tapestry of witty critique and eye-roll-inducing anecdotes, painting a vivid picture of Texas life under Abbott’s rule. (which likely explains why Jesus and Taylor Swift are omnipresent, and finding a copy of Time or GQ magazine requires a 30-mile trek. It’s almost like Texas is trying to stay stuck in a time warp where variety in reading material is as scarce as a fly-free patio in the middle of a Texas summer). If you think you’re mad now, wait until episode 2 when the girls get into even worse topics and even more terrible things about the worst governor in Texas history.

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